Lightening the Load: Motherhood, Community, and Connection

Some loads don’t show up on a calendar, but they still weigh on our minds and our mornings. Claire gets real about the invisible load of motherhood and why the strongest way to carry it is together, not alone. From early days in Facebook mom groups to building a hyperlocal network in Howard County, she connects the dots between modern expectations, Maryland grit, and the small, repeatable acts that make life lighter.

We talk about how driven moms end up saying yes to everything—from school lists to late-night emails—and how comparison on social media turns that pace into a pressure cooker. Then we pivot to solutions you can actually use: choosing a local anchor, asking for help without apology, setting boundaries that protect energy, and creating micro-moments of rest in winter. Claire shares a powerful story of showing up for a friend without waiting to be asked, reminding us that community isn’t earned—it’s practiced.

You’ll hear honest reflections on blending individualistic and collectivist values at home, practical tips for finding your groups (gym, daycare, church, book club, neighborhood thread), and a reframing of “self-care” as maintenance, not a luxury. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s connection. If you want your kids to feel secure and supported, let them see you building a village and leaning on it. That’s how we lighten the mental load—together, one simple, human moment at a time.

Because the invisible load isn’t lifted by doing more—it’s lifted by doing it together. One shared responsibility. One honest conversation. One village moment at a time.

Follow along on Instagram, where the work continues daily and connection stays practical, local, and real— @the.columbiamom 🤝💛

Chapters

• 0:00 New Year Reset And Intentions
• 2:45 Why Community Still Matters
• 5:40 From Facebook Groups To Real Support
• 9:20 Maryland Moms, Grit, And Opportunity
• 13:45 The Invisible Load And Saying Yes
• 18:05 Comparison, Expectations, And Winter Breathing
• 23:20 Showing Up For Friends Without Asking

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Hey friends, and welcome to Mom Talk Maryland. I'm your host, Claire Duarte, founder of the Columbia Mom. And this is your spot for real conversations, local love, and a whole lot of community. Whether you're folding laundry, running errands, or hiding in your car for some peace and quiet, let's dive in. Well, you know, as I've been recording a few episodes this year, um, you know, I feel like I always use January as kind of like obviously it's easy to have it be that like reset time. You're you're thinking about your goals, you're thinking about what you want for the new year, you're thinking about what you want for yourself. And obviously, as like a a newer, younger business owner, I'm thinking about all the things I want personally but professionally and looking at the business and all these different things, right? And anyways, like Mom Talk Maryland, you know, uh was a place that, you know, again, when I describe it, I'm like, it's like the Columbia Mom on crack, right? It's my my space where we get to talk about things in a in a deeper, more connected way. And you know, when I think about my why and starting the Columbia Mom, you know, I'm reminded about all the things that I wanted more of in my life and that I needed during that particular season. And what the things that I needed then are still very much true now. Maybe not um as maybe they're not as um deep and raw as they were at that moment, but but they're still very true. And one of those things was you know deeper sense of community and connection. And um, those are words that that I use a lot, um, both in the the Columbia Mom and Mom Talk Maryland. And when I think about you know, mom talk, you know, we've I've had the awesome opportunity to have so many different like uh business owners and entrepreneurs and um working moms and of of all different um you know scopes. And you know, so today I kind of wanted to talk about not just like the invisible load of motherhood, but you know, uh kind of bringing the invisible load and m matching it with community. So stay with me on this a little bit. Um because I think the power of community is so very important, and with MLK day being yesterday, again, just another kind of like great time to keep reflecting because I think you know, we are very lucky and fortunate to live in Howard County, Maryland, one of the most, you know, affluent counties in the state, in in the nation. Really, we have a lot of wonderful things that are right here in our county, you know, great schools, great um place to live, um, you know, pretty equitable compared to other regions. Um, there's a lot of opportunity, there's a lot of happiness, there's a lot more peace. That doesn't mean that we're it's perfect, obviously not. Um, but you know, as a whole, there's a lot of wonderful things that are right here. Obviously, why you know I've built a brand around Howard County. Um, but you know, obviously, I know for me, I'm an extrovert. That's no secret. Um, but it doesn't matter if you're an extrovert or an introvert. We as human beings, we are wired for connection. We are quite literally wired for human connection to be among each other, right? That's why we're called human beings. We are meant to be together, right? Um, that's why relationships of of all shapes and sizes are so important, you know, from our family to our loved ones to our friends, um, to our coworkers and and everything like that. But that's where, you know, especially in motherhood, right? Coming back to that mom talk Maryland piece, you know, we're talking about community, we're talking about motherhood, we're talking about things that are important to us as moms, as parents, um, well, as it relates right here in our backyard, right? And so when talking about community, I mean I think back to when I first became a mom, right? And you know, you hear the phrase like, uh, why is that escaping me? You know, like motherhood, you know, it takes a village, right? We need our tribe, right? And I remember from the moment I was pr got pregnant, you know, I was like, I need to be in one of these Facebook groups, which that's a conversation for another day. But um, because I I wanted to know. I was like, I don't what does it mean to be pregnant? What are the things do I need? How do I answer all these questions that I have, right? Um, and uh, and being in those groups was so very helpful because I could ask questions from you know uh from being pregnant to getting ready for the baby and birth and then qu and then it evolves into questions about you know raising your kid and breastfeeding and um and them growing and childcare and feeding and like all these things, right? So I'm giving you a very kind of like small version, well I shouldn't say small, uh a virtual version of community, right? Um, and how that was very much, you know, necessary. And I think we've all been been there, you know. And that started when I lived in Baltimore City, and I was actually joining the majority of the groups I was joining was the Howard County ones because I knew, yes, we lived in the city, I knew we were gonna eventually move to Howard County. My husband's from Columbia, I'm from only just down the road, um, but I knew we would end up in Howard County, so I was primarily joining those groups because I knew eventually we would be moving that way, so it made sense to kind of get myself rooted in connections that were locally based, right? Um, and then when we moved out here, I had a six-month-old baby. Um, I was still working my old job uh full-time at the time. Um, and then you know, within a few months got pregnant with Grant. Um, and uh, you know, so that was in 2019 as we roll into 2020, you know, kind of the rest is history with COVID and things like that. Um, so I don't need to sit here and kind of rehash out my whole like story, but you know, as as I'm kind of like jumping back up to like the why I got started with like the Columbian mom, right? At that season in my life, I um in 2022, yes, I I was a stay-at-home mom um for kind of a brief stint, didn't last very long. Um, but uh one of one of those things was just this that deep need to be connected, to feel connected, to to one another. And again, yes, as an extrovert, I was pretty much dying inside because I was like, I need to get out of my house, like, you know, but that kind of goes back into that um, you know, what we're talking about, the invisible load of motherhood, right? Because, you know, you we feel like we're carrying so much, and I feel like what it's like to be a Maryland mom, right, is there's so many wonderful things that make up, you know, not only like my identity and who I am and who we are, but but who we are as Marylanders, right? And I think um I'm kind of like getting in this like I don't know, woo-sa moment of like, you know, I think Marylanders, we have a lot of grit, we have a lot of drive, we have a lot of passion, we have a lot of determination, and I think that's what's kind of unique about this state, right? Because there's a lot of opportunity. Um, you know, we sit right, you know, on the nation's capital, right? So there's a there's a lot of power here, and with that, you know, uh, you know, two major cities, DC and Baltimore, right? It draws a lot of um a lot of a lot of power and a lot of opportunity. So I say that because that's you know where people end up living, right? In in those, a lot of those big conglomerates, right? And then um, which I think is again what brings about a lot of the cool grit of of our state and and uh and the caliber of people that we have here, right? So that kind of goes into where I'm talking about like Maryland moms and and and our sense of community and our needs and things like that. And so when I think about invisible load with Maryland moms, right, I'm thinking like man, like, because a lot of the mom, like the majority of the moms that I know, um, that that hadn't how I would define Maryland moms, like we're go-getters, we're hard workers. Um, regardless of whether you're a stay-at-home mom or not, you know, uh, we um, you know, we're we fiercely love, we fiercely take care of the ones that we love, we are fiercely passionate about, you know, everything from our sports teams to our brands and our labels, you know, all kinds of things like that. And um, you know, because you think so say with me a moment, if you think about the power and the opportunity in this area, that to me directly relates to the type of caliber of people that are in this area. And so I think about the type of mom and women that are in this area, the more determined you are, I think also equals the amount of visible load you're likely carrying, right? Because, you know, as moms and women, we are often yes, yesers, you know, we're gonna say yes to a lot of things, not just opportunities, right? But we're gonna say yes, you know, in our personal areas and our professional areas and our family areas, all these things, right? And it's not that we are necessarily trying to um overcapacitate ourselves, it's just sort of like the byproduct of what happens when when you're a go-getter and you want to get all these things done, you want to accomplish all these things, right? And um, so that's where I think it can be that invisible load just starts to stack up. And you know, again, I think as a true millennial, right? You know, we are such social media users, obviously. You know, it's easy to have that comparison game. Um, you know, I'm not immune to it for sure. I mean, like my life and my business is social media, right? So, um, you know, again, as a mom, I think the like, well, I would say the majority of social media users are women, but there's a lot of us, right? And because we're millennials, we're heavily on, you know, Instagram is like our main platform, I would say. Um, you know, that it yeah, the comparison game is really easy when it comes to, you know, aspects of, you know, what your home looks like, what that looks like around the holidays, the things that we're expected to do. And I say the things that we're expected to do, again, kind of referencing like the expectations that we put on ourselves as moms, you know, and how we show up for our kids, how we show up for their sports teams, how we show up for their school, how we show up for our loved ones, how we show up for work, right? And I the list goes on and on and on and on, right? Fortunately, I think we're out of like the high holidays, right? So now January gets to be a time of like, okay, we're in the middle of cold and winter, right? Like, let's all take a breather. We have a lot less demands, thank God, right? Um, and so winter is kind of this nice time where we can just maybe breathe a little bit. Thank God we haven't got much snow. Hopefully, it stays that way. Um, I know my kids love it. It's fine. Now I finally get when my parents were like not all about because I'm like, you know what? It's freaking cold. I like the grilled cheese and comfort food side of snow days, not the being out in the snow part. If you put me on a on uh like at Wisp and you put me on a mountain, like sure, I'll go tubing and I'll haven't gone skiing in years, but you know, I'll give it a try, right? Um, but schlepping my kids out there, not not exactly what I'm dying to do. But um, but then it goes back to that invisible load of like, well, I want to give my kids the best experience. I don't want them to have a fun day, so of course I'm gonna do it, right? And that's kind of what it boils down to, right? Um, but you know, going back to this idea of you know, invisible load and community, you know, there's I think invisible load, when I hear the word invisible load, I I often think very much the effects it has on the individual, specifically moms, women, that that's a context that I'm kind of talking about it, you know. And when I go back to the empower and importance of community, that's where I go back to this idea of how important it is for us I say us, we as women, we as moms, to lean on one another. You know what I mean? Um, you know, I I I use the perfect example of my my friend was going my my one of my best friends was going through an absolute just say you know, uh a very tragic moment in her life last week. And you know, without without even thinking, this is where it's like I won't even call like it to me, this is not even fair. I don't think this even fits an invisible load. Like without even thinking, like if it's yes, I will be there. Like I'm gonna tell her that I'm coming over to your house before, like, I'm not even gonna let her ask because she's probably not gonna ask. She's just gonna be like, you know, really sad. I'm like, no, I'm coming. You know, that's and I'm I'm coming and I'm coming with a bag of food and coffee. What do you need? We're gonna sit on the floor on these blankets and we're gonna cry together. Um, you know, I'm gonna be here. We might not figure it out, but I'm gonna be here. I'm gonna be there for you. Blah blah blah, right? Um I mean that's that's just what I would do, but that's what I know that like if I was ever in the same situation, like ironically at the same time, I probably wouldn't ask for it either because that's who we are as women. We're we'd we feel like we don't want to be a burden, right? We don't want to ask because if you ask, then you then it it seems selfish, right? And maybe, maybe, maybe one of the takeaways today is is that be selfish. We're taught in this world to to not be, right? So I'm I know that I'm getting kind of really big here. Just kind of keep sitting with me on this. We are very America's obviously a very individualistic society, right? You know, and but because we're made up, you know, of a big conglomerate of all kinds of ethnicities and things like that, there's a we get a lot of the um collectivist um type of ideologies as well, you know. And and I feel that a lot in my house since I'm obviously white and my husband and his family are Latino, right? And um, I remember when we first met and early on in our relationship, you could it was so unspoken, you couldn't quite fully label it, right? But you could feel it and you could feel the tension between us. And I think there was often times where you might me might have thought that, oh my god, you're so selfish, or I'm like, well, why won't you just ask for help? Blah blah blah blah. And when it kind of you when you look at it like that, it's it's actually that individualistic versus collectivist, and it's there's a lot there's good and bad on either side, right? Um this is not a conversation about like which is better or worse, you know. Um but ironically, I as the oldest of five kids, I quickly realized uh, I mean, I I watched my parents raise us and they had no choice but to constantly ask for help. And I and I say that not because they were weak, not because they were selfish, but because like they they like I said, they had no choice. We were raised by nannies and babysitters because and and neighbors that would drive us, you know, and we would carpool to CCD and piano and music and dance and soccer, and you know, we had a whole network of of connections and community that supported us because there's no way any of that would have ever been possible with five kids growing up in the 90s and the early 2000s, right? And still now, right? You know, obviously, you know, we have a smaller family as not not five kids, but two, you know, and we still need each other, you know, regardless if we're running around to activities or not, you know. Like last week, um, my friend, you know, they were on a business trip, and I I love that I get to show up for my friends. I it brings me so much joy that I can be there for them, you know. There's nothing that like I feel so grateful. Yes, you need to drop your kids off at 7 a.m. I'm here, let's do it, right? Oh, you need me to pick them up from school, take them to dance? Absolutely, you know what? I'm gonna do that. We're gonna get their homework done, they're gonna have a snack, and I'm gonna make sure they're all like ready to go and be on their way. Like, I'm again, like I'm I'm probably one of these people, like I have no boundaries for better or for worse, right? Like, I'm gonna treat those those babies like like they're mine. Like, like, like I said, I'm gonna feed you, um, I'm gonna take care of you, you're gonna, I'm gonna mother hen the crap out of all of this situation, right? And um, and I love that. I love um if if I can help show up for you, and it it's it genu genuinely, like it's it's not because I'm trying to be smothering or helicoptery or whatever. I just may maybe that's just how much like I I grew up seeing and needing community, then I want to keep giving that back or keep extending that to others, right? Because that's how I was raised, you know. That's I was raised needing it, and I don't know, I guess I want to keep being able to show that to other people because regardless, like it community isn't something you earn, community is something we we need, right? And I think especially in today's age, god there was a quote and I'm I'm not gonna remember, but it was like, you know, it's like millennial moms is like raising kids in the 1960s, but with you know, double, triple the to-do list essentially. And I was like, wow, that is like so true. It's like 1960s parenting expectations on millennial moms, but we're working full-time, and you know, we still have to have the perfect home, the perfect job, the perfect kids, and the perfect life, and blah blah blah blah. And financially and economically, our world is like ten times more expensive, you know what I mean? And it's so challenging. Um so it's you know, I I feel like as moms, it's it's always so hard to ask for help, to ask for what we need. You know, yes, like we a lot of the rat race that we put ourselves in is for our kids, and there's kind of really no escaping that. You know, what do they say? Motherhood is a mental illness, you know. Um we we want to give their kids the best life, you know, we possibly can, whatever way that looks like, whether they're doing a bunch of different activities, or you're like me and your kids are doing activities, but they're also doing pro in programs or therapy or treatments and things like that to help support them academically or what in whatever shape of their life, right? And and so that comes out of sacrifice, right? Um, and that means time, energy, and money, right? And and and that keeps influencing the invisible load, right? And you know, and and I think again, it doesn't matter if you're an introvert or an extrovert. I think we all need community, and it's it's so important to keep leaning on that. And in your community can be whatever that means to you. You know, some people find community at their gym, um, at their daycare, at their pre K, at their church, um, you know, w among among co workers, among students, or if you're going back to school, or or or again among friends, among family, um, among fellow parents. Um, I mean, you you can Define and create community really anywhere, and it can be as um little as one to two or as big as you want and need it to be, you know what I mean? Like, I remember when I was applying to colleges, I went to University of Maryland, boop boop, and I mean even then it was obviously a big school, it still clearly is massive, right? But when when you when you go to a big school, immediately I remember I remember feeling my my parents were telling this, specifically my dad, he was like, you gotta you you just gotta kind of find your groups, and your groups can just be friends, right? But that to me was also one of the reasons I you know explored different clubs and I ended up joining a sorority because like it felt so grounding to to have a group, to have like just a network of of people and women that you know I could be connected with and like have sort of a grounding spot, you know. I mean I had friend groups kind of all over, but that was one thing is like you know, take like it's easy to feel like a big fish, you're sorry, a small fish in a big pond, like when you attend University of Maryland or a big place like that, that I was like, I needed I need grounded, I needed a home network that I felt like I could kind of rely on and feel alive and feel safe and feel home and feel connected and feel loved and feel supported, right? Um so I use that example of like when I was in college and and to honestly to this day, like you know, my sorority sisters are some of my best friends, they were in my wedding, um, and that I'm still friends with to this day. And um, and it's because of those experiences, right? But I recognize that we're not in college anymore. We're not living in a dorm or a frat house, a sorority house where we have, you know, friends all around each other at you know at our beck and call, right? Because we got kids to take care of, we got jobs, we got bills, we got all these priorities, right? And you know, so it can make motherhood feel feel lonely at times, feel challenging, you know. Um I I do hear um that you know it can certainly be hard to to make friends in motherhood. Um I look I know, like I said, I know that I'm insanely extroverted. I feel like I'm one of those people that I I make friends all the time. I call myself a little bit of a friend slut because um one thing about me is if I click with you, I'm probably already in your DMs and I've already gotten your number and I'm already texting you and being like, hey, what's up? Like I will slide in very quickly, very hot. That's just how I am. Um but I wasn't always like that, absolutely, and that wasn't like the case when I first moved here either. You know, again, I needed to kind of feel a little bit more connected. Like I, because when I moved here, you know, I had friends in the city, and um I didn't have quite my HOCO network yet. Um, luckily, a lot of my Baltimore people that I knew slowly moved out this way, so that's been cool. But uh, you know, it it just boils down to you don't need to be an extrovert to have a community to create your own sense of community, you know, and I I'll go back to my point that I made earlier about like, you know, it's okay to be selfish because there is an important aspect of that where it allows you to focus on your needs as a mom. And I think the more that we can not run from what our needs are and what our identity is, it can allow you to have less tension, less anger, less frustration in our lives when you allow yourself to explore that and to be open to that and know that you are deserving and needing of that in your life, and the more that you can accept that, you know, can allow you. I'm just gonna keep uh using this allow you to be more selfish because you need to take care of yourself. You know, yes, we hear like self-care, self-care. It's kind of just like so fluffy, it's like almost losing its value. But, you know, you need to take care of yourself because if you intend to give your kids the best life possible, it can't happen at the complete expense of you because they're gonna feel your tension and frustration too, right? So, you know, whether it's joining that book club, that running club, um, taking 30 minutes to just, you know, close the door and have silence for yourself and send a friend a text or jump on a call, like whatever, you know, community is however you make it. Um and you know, let that be, you know, your reminder that it's it's okay to be selfish to take care of yourself because we're all I I feel like every single mom, if anybody, anyone that I know, no matter how introverted they are, how extroverted they are, anyone, if any one of my friends were to ever get like a hey, can you help me with blah blah, I know any one of them would drop anything to help one another. And you know what? I I also kind of do believe that that is also very much the core of who we are as Marylanders, you know, and that's what I think makes our community so awesome and so vibrant. So with that, you know, here's your reminder as we come into the month of of love, of feb love, to keep taking care of yourself, you know, keep loving on others. Um, but make sure to keep extending that to yourself, um, you know, and uh know that the power of community is right right in our backyard. We have so many amazing things, so many things to be grateful for. Um, and if there's way and if by leaning on your community helps you to lighten your load I I I want to invite you to keep uh allowing that to keep coming in to your life. So cheers. Thanks for tuning in to this episode of Mom Talk Maryland. If you loved it, leave a review, share it with a friend, or tag me at the dot ColumbiaMom on Instagram. I'd love to hear what you think. And don't forget to follow the show so you never miss an episode. Until next time, keep showing up, keep supporting local, and keep being the incredible mom, woman, and human that you are.